The first couple of weeks in art school were exciting, but my work seemed insipid. I had entered with the mentality of the eager humble student, brandishing all ignorance, intent on absorbing everything like a sponge, abandoning all that I have taught myself in the past.
I refused to whip out my old ways; the ink, the paper, the feminine mystique, and the isolated pointless detail. I avoided the stylistic approach I was neck-deep into. I tried taking their charcoal and their graphite, their paper cutting, their woodwork and I did the assignments and exercises as someone would in an extremely proper erudite endeavor... According to all the rules and guidelines.

I lost my flame and my passion that way.

Then I realized that thing that everyone is supposed to. The teachers and the curriculum can only do so much. The rest is one's prerogative.

So I pulled my Jenna-ness out of my pocket; the sci-fi, the steampunk, the fantasy, the concept art, the videogames, the anime, the gnarled skinny beauties struggling with adolescent anxiety and sexual identity... All that with a healthy dose of openness to mediums I was not used to.

It all proved a great act on instinct. My teachers noticed the shift of dynamic. My drawing teacher Ryan Pierce never failed to let me know, after every critique of a project, that he noticed the change and was excited. He said that I inspired others. I wonder if I really did.

I'm proud of how I accomplished that and how I chose my own course. I made a necessary turn in a river of redundance. Then again it felt so natural and effortless, maybe I don't really deserve any credit.

Whatever.

I'm back in Manila for the holidays. I've been reintroducing myself to overwhelming social encounters, loud noise, packed clubs, alcohol, and rough herb. My tolerance for booze dropped in pathetic proportions due to how I'm still considered underage in the States. I feel the toll when I go out drinking with my friends here.
The humidity and heat make me feel heavy and nauseated.
The neurosis that clings on ennui makes me uneasy...
Many things have changed in so few months, but a lot has stayed the same.
The love between me and my friends is still there, that's for sure.